Not asking for what you need . . .

Uncategorized Jan 07, 2017


Many of us don’t ask for what we need.  Instead, we hope that the person or people around us will somehow know.

 Hoping and waiting for people to respond to our unsaid need is a wonderful way not to get it.

 Some of us think that it would be a sign of weakness or selfishness to ask for what we need.  Sometimes we’re afraid it will be offensive.  But Dr. Mark Goulston in his book, Get Out Of Your Own Way, says it is none of these things, as long as what you’re asking for is “fair, reasonable and deserved.”

 This self-defeating behaviour of not asking for what we need is caused by the pressure we have created to keep quiet.

 Dr. Goulston says that you “don’t have to ask for what you need as long as you don’t mind not getting it.”

 Asking might be the only way you’re going to get it.

 Here’s what to do to ask for what you need:

  •  Acknowledge that you have...
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Take heart . . . you are not alone . . .

Uncategorized Dec 31, 2016


“To some extent, everyone feels alone.” 

These are the words of Dr. Mark Goulston in his book, Get Out of Your Own Way, in the chapter on Holding It All In.

He wrote this about the pain people have after they go through something horrible. 

He says that talking about the horrible thing that makes us feel alone eases the sense of isolation.  It helps us feel that we are part of something bigger rather than apart from it.

Talking about it also helps us clear our emotions.

When something horrible happens to us, something toxic is left inside of us.  Describing what happened and how we feel helps draw out the toxicity.

Otherwise, the toxicity will remain and grow within us with the possibility that it will pollute other things within us.

The faster and more thoroughly we talk about it, the quicker the healing.  It’s like cleaning up a wound rather than ignoring it and letting it get worse.

Why do we sometimes not want to talk about...

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Saying yes when you'd like to say no . . .

Uncategorized Dec 20, 2016


Dr. Mark Goulston, in his book, “Get Out of Your Own Way:  Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior,”  talks about the common dilemma of saying “yes” when you’d like to say “no.”

He says that “when you can’t say no without fear, or yes without resentment, it’s time to say stop!”

What to do?  Dr. Goulston makes some recommendations and I’ve included some insights.

  •  If you wait too long to do anything about it, you could become frustrated, have an angry outburst, and destroy a relationship, either professional or personal.

  • Realize that people are not mind readers.   They will have no idea that you wanted to say “no” . . . if you don’t take action.

  • Timing is crucial.  If you notice that you’re becoming frustrated, it is time make a plan to talk to the person.  Choose the time carefully.

  • Dr. Goulston recommends, “express your grievance as...
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Playing it safe . . .

Uncategorized Dec 16, 2016


“Playing it safe” is a chapter in Dr. Mark Goulston’s book, “Get Out of Your Own Way:  Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior.”

He’s referring to not taking chances in life and what we miss out on when we don’t take them.   Of course, there are times when it is better to play it safe, but if we do it all the time, we will probably end up sorry.

Dr. Goulston says that in the end, “we regret not what we have done but what we have not done.”

He tells patients who want to change their direction in life: 

·         Close your eyes

·         See your inner vision for yourself

·         Go in the direction where that leads you

You might waiver and meander here and there, but you will experience a lot more of life. 

And you will be able to see beyond the horizon.


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Another way you might look at pain in your life . . .

Uncategorized Dec 16, 2016


I’m not a philosopher but I’ve done and gone through a lot of things in my life. 

I grew up in Ireland.  I became a teacher.  I went to live in California.  I became a lawyer in Silicon Valley.  I returned to Ireland where I did many things, including being an in-house counsel.  Eventually I got a job in the Central Bank of Ireland (similar to the Federal Reserve in America). 

I went to India and trained to become a yoga teacher.   I’ve been teaching yoga and meditation for the last two years.  I absolutely love it.  I also include readings and poems in my classes.   I am blessed to start seeing people look at their lives differently.

I trained at the Mayo Clinic to become a wellness coach so that I could help people more.  I facilitate people to access their internal strength so that they can be stronger and more confident on the outside. 

I enjoyed all of these things and got...

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[Audio] how to find calmness when your life is hectic . . .

Uncategorized Dec 16, 2016

I've got something quick for you today . . . 

How would you like to "find" some calmness in your life for five minutes?

In this mp3 audio download, I share a way (that is simple) for you to take a step back from almost any area of your life when things get a little hectic:

 Five minutes of calmness for your life.

This is one of those things that everyone should do for themselves when they need a break.

Live Your Life.  Make Your Difference.


I would love to hear from you.  Please take a moment to leave me a comment below.  For you, what is your biggest challenge when things get hectic?

Fear of failure is something that many of us experience.  To learn how to let it go, get my Cheat Sheet here.


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Understanding your values

Uncategorized Oct 23, 2016

One of the most profound experiences you have in your life is the moment you realize that you are a distinctive person, that there is no other on this earth quite like you.  As an old Irish writer put it, “Your like will not be in it again.”

Each of us is honoured with this gift of being one of a kind, this uniqueness.  You are the only one who sees your life the way you do.  You are the only one who feels the way you do.  You are the only person who occupies your reality and your life.

[Share, comment or like this confidence building insight on Facebook.]

Yes, there is a big world all around us.  We perceive, encounter and experience it.  But the predominant world that we occupy is invisible, it’s the interior world that’s within us. 

When our perception is born, there is an empty space.  We bring in different species of perception and make them active in us.  Each one of us creates a different world.  We...

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If one hour to live - who would you tell - I love you?

Uncategorized Oct 13, 2016

If you had one more hour to live . . . who would you tell "I love you?"

This has a tendency to focus the mind. 

Think about it - who would you tell?

Why wait?

If it's too big of a step, show your love in some other way, make that person feel and know that you love them.

Small steps.  Baby steps.

When you  are the first to take steps like this, you set an example, a good example.  Another way to say this is that you are LEADING by example.  Building your strength inside because you have taken the reins.  You will become more used to holding the reins the more you take them.

[Share, like, or comment on this quote on Facebook]

Don't get overwhelmed. Small steps.

But take action . . . because how would you feel if someone told you they loved you or showed you by their actions that they loved you?  You'd feel pretty good . . . your heart would be warmed . . . it would be an invaluable gift.

The concept of hour to live and what you would...

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Dr. Phil reveals one way to feel more confident

Uncategorized Oct 12, 2016

Self-confident people have an energy that people admire.  It can range from a quiet and peaceful energy to one that is more outgoing and active.

Although self-confidence plays such a significant role in our lives, many of us struggle with it. 

We can learn to become and feel more confident.  It's a matter of building it and reinforcing it.

Use these pieces of personal wisdom to help you think differently about yourself at work.  Inspire yourself to take small steps, feel more comfortable in your own skin, find your voice at work.  “Finding your voice” means different things to different people.  Go with whatever it intuitively means to you. 

Some quotes give recommendations, others talk about how to see yourself differently.  I’ve also included quotes about accepting yourself and using your emotions in favor of yourself rather than against yourself.

1. Dr. Phil McGraw

Dr. Phil is...

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